The Week of Theories

Everyday of this coming week I will presenting one of my famous "theories" (you can probably hear Ashley groaning in the background). While my "theories" don't exactly fall under dictionary.com's definition 1 of a theory (a coherent group of general propositions used as principles of explanation for a class of phenomena: Einstein's theory of relativity) they do fall under definition 6 (contemplation or speculation). I hope everyone enjoys.

Theory Number 1: The Cheesecake Factory was designed for women.


I've been saying this ever since my first visit to a Cheesecake Factory which took place on a trip to Arizona in 2005. I was reminded of this theory last night as my family and I enjoyed a combined birthday dinner at the Cheesecake Factory for me and my sister. There are several elements to this theory. Interestingly enough, at least one female or another has argued against each point of this theory. The first is easy enough: the name of the darn restaurant is "The Cheesecake Factory" for crying out loud! What woman is going to turn away from a restaurant named after every woman's favorite desert? Especially when the afore mentioned restaurant specializes in that very desert? Seriously try to name a woman you know that doesn't like some form of cheesecake.

Time's up! Couldn't think of one? Me neither. But even if you did, the Cheesecake Factory has so many flavors of cheescake that even if you don't like cheesecake, they still have a flavor of cheescake that you will like, whether it's Chocolate Oreo Mudslide, Brownie Sundae, or the Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake.

The next element is the gigantic portions served at the Cheesecake Factory. You might be scratching your head wondering, "Why do large portions appeal to women? Don't women usually prefer small salads, soups, sandwiches, and pastas?" While that may be what Panera Bread wants you to think, I believe the Cheesecake Factory has found a more effective way to bring in female patrons. You see, the large portions make women feel good because no matter how much they eat, they're not going to be able to finish their meal. I mean I can't even finish a meal at Cheesecake Factory, so how is the average female going to be able to finish it? The fact that when women get up from the table, there's still food on their plates makes them feel like they did a good job of watching what they ate even though they've probably gorged (that word's for you Laurie) themselves.

Another element of the Cheesecake Factory that is appealing to women is the aesthetics. See below:

Seriously, if you take a woman to a restaurant that looks like this on the inside, she is like putty in your hands. Women just love the sculptured cielings, the soft lighting, the fancy artwork, the wierd Egyptian faces on the tops of the columns, even the waiters wearing all white. If you don't think that all of that was done to please women, ask a guy what he likes most about the Cheesecake Factory. I guarantee he's not going to say, "It just has the most ambience of any restaurant!"

Well that's my theory on the Cheesecake Factory and I didn't even get into the super long menus with ads for diamond rings or so many food options that no matter what you'll find something you like. Ladies, you just need to admit that you were suckered in by a great marketing scheme. Gentlemen, you just need to suck it up and take your wife/girlfriend there the next chance you get.

Tomorrow's theory: The NHL and Canada's Attempt to Takeover America